Against the Grain

The past couple of weeks have really been busy....not only have we been physically on the go, but it seems that spiritually too.....there is much that I am learning. Sometimes I get afraid that all these beautiful treasures will be forgotten before they can become a permanent part of who I am. Maybe we keep going around and visiting the same place more than once, so that our perspective and depth can deepen on the various sides of the diamond that is Torah.
The one thing that is becoming more and more evident to me is that this wonder that is the Torah life, Life in YHVH..... is definately 'going' and 'growing' against the grain. The world is no longer a place that I feel at 'home' in. I have been walking and growing in Torah for the last two years, and every-thing has changed.....and will never be the same. The way I 'see' and 'understand' things is a universe apart from where I used to be, and I give praise and thanks to YHVH for showing me and giving me His heart (Torah), and for awakening inside of me the desire to know Him, to understand His ways, and to love Him with all of my heart. This new life, has given me new patterns and train of thought....about every-thing. My philosophy on education has changed (we have been home-schooling for 9 yrs), the way I see my marriage and my role as a wife and mother has changed, and the way I see my husband has changed. Abba is dailing working in me the things that are pleasing to Him, and out of me the things that are not.
This new life has also brought with it loneliness......something I have never really experienced before. Most of our friends are no longer around, and our once social weekends are now really, really quiet. I find myself questioning myself alot.....have I made the right decisions concerning school and keeping my children out of the system, have I really 'heard' Abba's voice concerning all the outward changes that He has and is making to this temple. I have stopped colouring my hair and started wearing a head-covering, the way I dress has changed and I now understand 'why' modesty, not only on the outward, but in the inward too. He has taken me back to my birth name (I changed my name without my parents consent at 18 yrs of age), and brought much healing to my family and myself :o)
Would I change this walk for any-thing that I have left behind?? Never, I have life.......for the first time.

As He calls us on,  a little higher up the mountain.....it will get more challenging, the way ever steeper and yes, the loneliness maybe a little more intense, but the sweetness of the reward...a relationship and intimacy with the Creator of the universe....and life.......far outweighs the cost. May He continue to strengthen and give each one of us the courage and strength to keep placing one foot in front of the other as we learn to love Him with all of our hearts.


Le Cheim, Le Cheim.....to Life!!